Ya sanc\u0131lar olamasayd\u0131!<\/p>\n
Ya sanc\u0131lar\u0131n do\u011furganla\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 sat\u0131rlara s\u0131\u011f\u0131nacak zamanlar olmasayd\u0131 \u015fu yalanc\u0131 d\u00fcnyada bilmem ki halimiz nice oludu.<\/p>\n
Bilmem ki neylerdim \u015fu yalanc\u0131 d\u00fcnyada ya\u015famaya de\u011fer \u015feylerim olmasayd\u0131.<\/p>\n
Temmuz s\u0131ca\u011f\u0131nday\u0131m. Saat 23.48<\/p>\n
\u00a0Ak\u015fam\u0131n gelmesini hi\u00e7 istemeyen bir ruh haliyle bir ak\u015fam\u0131 yine yaln\u0131z kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131yorum. Geceler yolda\u015f\u0131m olmasayd\u0131 ne yapard\u0131m sabahlara dek bu karanl\u0131k balkon k\u00f6\u015felerinde.<\/p>\n
Kar\u015f\u0131 yama\u00e7lardan akan \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n k\u0131r\u0131lgan g\u00f6zleri etraf\u0131 ayd\u0131nlatmaya yetmiyor.<\/p>\n
Ay hen\u00fcz parlakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne g\u00f6nderecek kadar canl\u0131 de\u011fil. Abanan ha\u015fmetiyle g\u00f6lgeme, kararan d\u00fcnyama gelse ve beni alsa benden diye Aya yalvaras\u0131m geliyor. En az\u0131ndan gecelerimin yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda beni de yan\u0131na alsa diye neler sunmal\u0131y\u0131m bilemiyorum. G\u00f6klere sunmay\u0131 arzulad\u0131\u011f\u0131m c\u00fcmlelerimi kabul edece\u011finden emin de\u011filim!<\/p>\n
Yaln\u0131z d\u00fcnyama arkada\u015f olan dostlar\u0131m ay \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n k\u0131r\u0131lgan bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131 ve radyo dalgalar\u0131ndan d\u00f6k\u00fclen m\u00fczi\u011fin na\u011fmelerinden ibaret. Gecenin ge\u00e7 saatinde kendime kurdu\u011fum k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fcnyamla ba\u015f ba\u015fay\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Basit, sade ve yaln\u0131zlar\u0131n anas\u0131yla arkada\u015f bir d\u00fcnya kurulur her gece ve bana gelir bir Tanr\u0131 misafiri edas\u0131yla beklemeye devam ediyorum! Bense ba\u015f\u0131mla beraber kabul eder ve yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma giydirdi\u011fim c\u00fcmlelerin birer birer a\u00e7ar ve onlar\u0131 geceye \u015fehit k\u0131larak bir bir sat\u0131rlara dizmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Ay \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015fahittir yaln\u0131z c\u00fcmlelerimin deniz suyu kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f sat\u0131rlar\u0131na.<\/p>\n
Her gece yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve biteviye tekrarlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gibi kendimi Aya haz\u0131rl\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n
Bu ak\u015fam d\u00fcne g\u00f6re birka\u00e7 dakika daha ge\u00e7 geldi k\u0131r\u0131lgan \u0131\u015f\u0131k. Sonra onu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde sevindi\u011fim ve babam\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckken omzuna al\u0131p kula\u011f\u0131ma f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131\u011f\u0131 duam\u0131 sundum.<\/p>\n
\u201cAy g\u00f6rd\u00fcm Allah<\/em><\/p>\n Ament\u00fc bill\u00e2h<\/em><\/p>\n Ya Rasulallah<\/em><\/p>\n Bismillah\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Ya da:<\/p>\n \u201cYataca\u011f\u0131z, ya Allah<\/em><\/p>\n Kalkaca\u011f\u0131z, in\u015fallah,<\/em><\/p>\n Kalkar kalkmaz, g\u00fcn olursa,<\/em><\/p>\n Lailahe \u0130llallah!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0B\u00f6yle bir dua var m\u0131 ve ben bu duay\u0131 nas\u0131l nereden \u00f6\u011frendim bilmiyorum. Ancak daha sonra bu duan\u0131n yaln\u0131z bana ait olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6\u011fre\u011fimde biraz k\u0131skanm\u0131\u015f duymu\u015f ve kabul etmek istememi\u015ftim.<\/p>\n T\u00fcrkistan\u2019da hala s\u00f6ylenegelen bir duaym\u0131\u015f me\u011ferse babam\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde beni amzuna alarak ezberletti\u011fi dua. Babam T\u00fcrkistan\u2019da s\u00f6ylenen duadan habersiz bir T\u00fcrk olarak binlerce y\u0131ll\u0131k bir k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fc bana \u00f6\u011fretmi\u015fti! Ancak T\u00fcrkistan\u2019la y\u00fczy\u0131llard\u0131r siyasi ve k\u00fclt\u00fcerel ba\u011flar\u0131m\u0131z kopar\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Nas\u0131l olur da bu duan\u0131n ayn\u0131 zamanda \u00d6zbekistan\u2019da da s\u00f6ylenegeldi\u011fini o y\u0131llardaki \u00e7ocuk zihnimle anlayamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n Ay\u0131n g\u00f6z k\u0131rpt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7ocuklara has bir duayd\u0131 benim i\u00e7in dilimde t\u00fcr\u00fc gibi belledi\u011fim dua. Ve bana g\u00f6re ancak Ay \u00f6\u011fretebilirdi bu duay\u0131. Hem g\u00f6rkl\u00fc g\u00f6klerde ay\u0131n ha\u015fmetini ilk g\u00f6ren okurdu bu duay\u0131.<\/p>\n Babam\u0131n omzuna \u00e7\u0131kar ve ay\u0131n tepelerin ard\u0131ndan yava\u015f yava\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yaymaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131 saati iple \u00e7ekerdim. Onu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde dudaklar\u0131mdan kendili\u011finden d\u00f6k\u00fclen bu duay\u0131 sanki ayla birlikte s\u00f6yler ve bu duay\u0131 bilmeyen b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 mutlu ederdim. Ayla bizim aram\u0131zda yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z gizli bir kavildi. Ve kimselere s\u00f6ylememek ad\u0131na birbirimize s\u00f6z vermi\u015ftik duay\u0131. Babama dahi s\u00f6ylemez ve Ay\u2019la ramdaki kavli s\u0131k\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131ya ba\u011fl\u0131 kal\u0131rd\u0131m!<\/p>\n Muhammet Salih\u2019in hat\u0131ralar\u0131n\u0131 okurken onun da benim gibi Ay\u2019\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde ayn\u0131 \u015feyi yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, dualar okuyarak Ay\u2019\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fimde \u015fa\u015f\u0131rm\u0131\u015f ve bir s\u00fcre kitab\u0131 okumam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n